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| I forgot about this... shooot... well, since I last updated... I turned 21, relapsed, jumped off my roof in a blackout, spent a week in the hospital, went to rehab, and now i'm 3 months sober! the end. (hope you're doing well too) | | |
| just a few things...
6 months sober in February!
and
I turn 21 February 4th! if you're reading this, come out to the Saloon at around 11!
love you, didn't forget about you...
that's all.
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| eh, I wanted to write a blog about this but i'm on a friend's computer... anyways, yeah, sober one month...  check out my myspace if you wanna read more... http://www.myspace.com/blackingout_thefriction Rory | | |
| hey, thought i'd update a little bit on how things are going...
i'm on day 18 of sobriety... I had a small relapse on the 15th and
drank, but i'm doing really well now. I've had this realization that I
don't think I ever wanna get drunk again. Going out to parties, clubs,
etc, I just see how bad I was and I just don't care to be like that
anymore. I can't understand really why i'm feeling so great about all
this, but it's nice to not want that every day or every other day of my
life anymore. My meetings are awesome, I finally have a home A.A group in
St. Paul, and a sponsor who's doing more for me than he'll ever know.
So on that side, everything's awesome, and i'm enjoying life a lot more
now in this past month than I have in a really long time.
I've
come to also realize that i'm taking yet another semester off of school
as it has kinda rushed up on me really quickly and I haven't gone
anywhere with trying to get back to college. It sucks, a lot.. but
hey, it'll just make me wanna for sure get back in the spring and i'm
pretty confident that will happen.
I'm almost positive i'm
moving to my sister's in White Bear Lake after my lease is up here... I
won't have to pay rent there and I can kinda get back on my feet
financially while still being able to stay here and whatnot. My lease
is up here on August 12th, and i'm kinda happy to get outta here...
however, i'll miss the location for sure, and all my friends nearby
here... i'm not too terribly worried about it though because...
...on Friday i'm getting my car from Duluth! It's an awful car, but i'll at least have something to drive. Wa-hoo!
I think the thing i'll miss most from moving outta here though is
living with Briana! Bri, I know i've been a crappy ass roommate, but
eventually i'll be in much better shape to be your roommate and maybe
we can do it again because I know how much you love me!! :-p I still
love you more though...!
Umm... oh, i'm serving at the Macaroni Grill now... (in Rosedale center in case you wanna come eat and tip me a lot..)
I never really look at this thing anymore, kinda makes me sad. I
got swallowed in by the myspace craze. You did too, right?
anyways, more work (more tips$$) tomorrow, so peace out...
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| I'm not too sure what came over me, but I had a big emotional breakdown this past weekend, so last night I decided to make quite an important change in how I live my life...
I have decided that on Saturday, i'm going to attend my first AA meeting, and quit drinking. My alcohol abuse is much worse than I ever realized, and my life is just on a downward spiral...
Since i've moved here, i've made great friends, and I can honestly say i've probably lost all but 2. My alcoholism is what I can place a lot of the blame on with that. I've hit people while drunk (something i've never done) and I've said things and done things drunk that I would never do in a sober state (like a lot of my actions or words)... it's just getting me really depressed that i've just become someone else through alcoholism. People don't see me as a good person anymore, and I can't retain any friends. I've been so lonely lately, and it's because I fucked up so much I pushed everyone away from me. I used to be such a good person in high school, and that was the real me... I keep wondering "what happened???" I always just manage to fuck things up when I drink. I've had jobs come and go, and have had some trouble with work as well because of my drinking, with being too sick or whatever the case is. I've also recently been getting back into drugs too, and I don't want to continue that either. I just become this disgusting, vile person when I drink too much, and I hate that...
So yeah, i'm going to try and make a huge change. I want to be 100% sober from now on. A girl I work with has been attending AA for 3 years now since she was 18 and she told me it was the best decision of her life. She's confident, secure, has real lasting friendships, and can attribute her happiness to her sobriety for the past 3 years. I want all those things more than anything right now. The meeting on Saturday i'm attending is for anyone under the age of 25, and usually 150-200 people attend this meeting on a weekly basis. Here I can meet people with who I can relate and have fun with while sober... I used to think I couldn't have fun sober, and so i'm looking forward to this new experience. I hope you all can encourage me through this process, and those who still want to be friends can support me as I try to live completely sober from now on. As for those who i've hurt with my problem, I want to apologize. It's a word, it doesn't mean much, but I promise you all things will be different.
I hope you all will be able to forgive me someday...
I'm sorry. I mean it when I say that things will be different, and eventually you'll see a different me... 
"In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul." - Psalm 138:3
(p.s.. i'm feeling good about all this, I already got one of my old friendships back.. yay!) | | |
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